Monday, May 23, 2005
Sunday, April 24, 2005
Hey, free stuff!
I got a lot of free junk, like my grandparents bedroom furniture (but not the bed, you couldn't pay me to sleep on that piece of crap), a cool lamp, magazine racks, a television, a vcr, bookshelves, a japanese doll, and... the whole damn townhouse. I'll be moving over there in a little over a month, and since I'm taking over everyone just assumes that I'll clean everything too. Like the bathroom, which I cleaned today. I found neosporin from 1989, 12 bottles of aspirin (all expired), the 3rd set of dentures, 5 toothbrushes, a medicine containing mercury, and loads of other nasty stuff. I also cleaned the rest of the kitchen, and started on the bedroom, where I found a wig, a sheer nightgown, and an electric toothbrush.
In the next month, I need to paint the walls, have some minor construction work finished, replace light fixtures, clean the carpets, move all my stuff over, and oh yeah- get rid of the smell. No one likes Eau de' dead grandma in their house.
By the way, I got two more piercings. Where, I cannot say, and no, I will not post pictures. Sorry*
* Not really.
Friday, April 22, 2005
Fridge of the dead
We knew that my grandparensts weren't keen on expiration dates, and we knew that they were big "savers" (growing up during the depression and all) but we didn't know how truly awful it was. We found a container of something with foreign writing and the words "opened 4/17/91", tartar sauce that expired in August of 2001, salad dressing from 1998, cocktail onions from the 80's and many other food products that were so old that they didn't even have expiration dates.
There was gel of some kind that had crystallized onto the shelves, and an awful smell like rotten soysauce. The vegetable bins were full of rotten liqufied vegetables and oranges that were black, white and squishy. The freezer wasn't as dirty, but was full of frozen blocks of bacon grease and a metal freezer pack that's older than my dad.
I took about 2 hours to clean, but now it looks like new, smells like grapefruit and has about 7 containers of baking soda in it.
Tomorrow will be a ton of fun!
Monday, April 11, 2005
Oh, where the tides of time will take us...
But now, I've become an anal-retentive grade hungry monster. I was actually crying earlier because I couldn't find a printout for a short essay I was supposed to write for this Tuesday's class. That paper is only worth 5 points. In a class that I already have an A in. And I actually have a lot of extra credit, so I could bomb a test and still have an A.
But I was still upset, because of FIVE TINY POINTS. I searched for that damn paper anyways, and even emailed my teacher for a new copy (she sent me the wrong one). But that's OK, because when I was in the shower I had a flashback to last weeks class- when my teacher said the printer was broken, so we'd have to write up the assignment sheet ourselves.
Mwahahahahaha... I had the thing in my notebook the whole time.
I have my paper and can still save that holy A
Friday, April 08, 2005
Bought my ticket!
I was checking out the Amarillo city guide, there's some pretty fun things to do there. I want to go to the Cadillac Ranch (that place that looks like either a crop circle or stonehenge, but built with a bunch of old cadillacs), there's also a very nice botanical garden, an amusement park, the Palo Duro Canyon- the "Grand Canyon of Texas", some museums, and some really fun sounding restaurants.
I plan on buying a new camera before then (maybe a Canon Elph, so I can use that fancy fumble-free Advantix film) so I will be able to take lots of fun pictures.
Now, if only I can hold out until June!
Saturday, April 02, 2005
I'm cleaning my room, the endtimes must be near!
*3 rolls "Bounty" paper towels
*1 bottle "KaBoom!" spray cleaner-it works, really well. Especially on the soapscum that's been developing in my faucet for 5 years.
*1 bottle "Greased Lightning Grapefruit Blast" spray cleaner- smells fruity. Note: Does not taste like grapefruit.
*1 bottle "Sparkle" glass cleaner. I hadn't heard of that brand either, but it had a pretty logo, and it's purple. It is magic too, since there's not really any information listed, just "NJ TRADE SECRET REGISTRY" and "A.J. Funk & Co." Funky glass cleaner.
*1 cannister "Glade Carpet & Room Deoderizer". I'm in dire need of this stuff... my carpet still smells like cat- and my cat died 4 years ago.
*1 package O-celo sponges. These are for my shower, which I haven't gotten around to cleaning yet. Now that I look back on it, I should've gotten like 7 packs... that way I could actually have a chance at defeating the mildew brigade.
Bathroom admirers of mine will be saddened to know that I must destroy the jacuzzi stalactite, but I will take pictures to document its demise.
I also have taken it upon myself to replace the lightbulbs that burned out many years ago, which is really a chore in itself. Not many people have really looked at my light fixture, but they should. There are 8 lightbulbs, which are split up into 2 sets of 4. Each set is encased in a half-circle cage of 2 sets of 28 thin glass rods, held together by sharp bolts, and plexiglass plates. Yes, I know... pictures would really bring this nightmare to life. Replacing a lightbulb is a Sisyphean task- first you have to remove the tiny bolts, and then the plexiglass. Then *each single glass rod must be removed, one at a time* This takes about a million years. After that, each single goddamn rod must be carefully cleaned, because glass collects dust like ugly on Joan Rivers. Then you repeat, on the other side. After you finish, around the time of your 90th birthday, you can put the damn 40-watt vanity bulbs in, and then put every single rod back in place.
The Elderly are Perverted-----> PROOF!
We have a new guy, a known groper who looks just like a 90-year old Ross Perot, if Perot weighed about 100 lbs, was in a wheelchair, and had a hunchback that Quasimodo would be jealous of.
Anyways, I was helping him in the gentlemen's room the other night, and he tried the old "grab the crotch" move on me. Thanks to my lightning-fast cat-like reflexes, I easily avoided his little hand. He also told me "You ain't no n****r". Well hey, that's a news flash to me. As if I missed the blindingly bright whiteness that I see in the mirror everyday.
Then, the next night I said "Oof da" when I was helping him into bed (Ya, I sure am a Minnesotan), and he said "You just wait till I get started, and then you'll be saying off da.". Whoo-hoo, that's one hot come-on line.